THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE
a loved one can be very difficult and devastating. No one plans to or expects to
lose a loved one so we are never really prepared for it. Then we are faced with
the fact that they are no more; we would never see them again, hear them speak
or even feel the touch of their warm embrace. We are faced with the task of
dealing with the pain of having to let them go and yet being constantly
reminded of them.
different reactions to this event are very valid and we shouldn’t feel the
pressure of how-to and how not to mourn and grieve. But notwithstanding, we
shouldn’t let our pain get the best of who we are.
Surrounding the Way we Mourn
react to loss and grieve differently and a lot of times grief can be dependent
on the circumstances surrounding the loss or the relationship with the
deceased. Dare I say that the closer the relationship, the more intense the
with the deceased to a large extent influences how much and how long an
individual mourns. Losing a neighbor or a colleague cannot be compared to the
pain of losing a spouse, parent, child or sibling. This is because we have an
immediate and probably long time relationship with the deceased which makes it
harder to accept and let go of them. Sometimes we feel we have lost a part of
us and we may not be able to cope without them.
Often the role of the deceased or their responsibility over us can also be a
contributing factor to how we mourn. Say we lose a sponsor or mentor; the
thought of them not being around to provide, encourage and guide us causes us
to grieve more than another knowing that the role they play has become
seemingly or actually vacant.
surrounding their Death: Losing a loved one to sickness, accident, suicide and even murder
influences the mourning process. Knowing or feeling that he could have stayed
longer and imagining the pain they must have passed through triggers emotional
pain that could lead to anger, self-blame and even guilt.
of their destination after Death: Knowing that your partner knew the Lord
before passing on can be relieving as we have been promised that they are in a
better place and vice versa.
· Loss of
· Lack of self
Acknowledge and accept your pain.
Express your feelings; cry, talk, write…
Talk to friends or a counselor
Socialize; engage in your hobbies, join a support group or even
volunteer with humanity based organizations.
Stick to family members rather than withdraw.
Dwelling on and reminiscing on good memories of the deceased.
Prepare for events or things that remind you of them;
anniversaries, birthdays, etc.
Take time to celebrate them.
Draw strength from your faith and the scriptures.
does God have to say?
says “But we do not want you to be
uninformed, brothers and sisters about those who sleep in death, so that you do
not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope”.
consolation is that we are not left alone to bear the burden of pain alone but
our father in heaven is aware and is ever ready to comfort and be with us for
as long as we are grieving. Cast your cares, pain, burden, anger, fear upon him
for he cares.