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Losing a loved one can be very difficult and devastating. No one plans to or expects to lose a loved one so we are never really prepared for it. Then we are faced with the fact that they are no more; we would never see them again, hear them speak or even feel the touch of their warm embrace. We are faced with the task of dealing with the pain of having to let them go and yet being constantly reminded of them.

Our different reactions to this event are very valid and we shouldn’t feel the pressure of how-to and how not to mourn and grieve. But notwithstanding, we shouldn’t let our pain get the best of who we are.

Factors Surrounding the Way we Mourn

Individuals react to loss and grieve differently and a lot of times grief can be dependent on the circumstances surrounding the loss or the relationship with the deceased. Dare I say that the closer the relationship, the more intense the grieving process.

1.     Intimacy: intimacy with the deceased to a large extent influences how much and how long an individual mourns. Losing a neighbor or a colleague cannot be compared to the pain of losing a spouse, parent, child or sibling. This is because we have an immediate and probably long time relationship with the deceased which makes it harder to accept and let go of them. Sometimes we feel we have lost a part of us and we may not be able to cope without them.

2.     Responsibility or Role: Often the role of the deceased or their responsibility over us can also be a contributing factor to how we mourn. Say we lose a sponsor or mentor; the thought of them not being around to provide, encourage and guide us causes us to grieve more than another knowing that the role they play has become seemingly or actually vacant.

3.     Circumstances surrounding their Death: Losing a loved one to sickness, accident, suicide and even murder influences the mourning process. Knowing or feeling that he could have stayed longer and imagining the pain they must have passed through triggers emotional pain that could lead to anger, self-blame and even guilt.

4.     Uncertainty of their destination after Death: Knowing that your partner knew the Lord before passing on can be relieving as we have been promised that they are in a better place and vice versa.


Expressions of Grief

·       Anger

·       Guilt

·       Withdrawal

·       Insomnia

·       Loss of appetite

·       Hallucination

·       Fear

·       Lack of self care

Dealing with Grief

1.     Acknowledge and accept your pain.

2.     Express your feelings; cry, talk, write…

3.     Talk to friends or a counselor

4.     Socialize; engage in your hobbies, join a support group or even volunteer with humanity based organizations.

5.     Stick to family members rather than withdraw.

6.     Dwelling on and reminiscing on good memories of the deceased.

7.     Prepare for events or things that remind you of them; anniversaries, birthdays, etc.

8.     Take time to celebrate them.

9.     Draw strength from your faith and the scriptures.



What does God have to say?

1Thessalonians 4:13-14 says “But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope”.

Our consolation is that we are not left alone to bear the burden of pain alone but our father in heaven is aware and is ever ready to comfort and be with us for as long as we are grieving. Cast your cares, pain, burden, anger, fear upon him for he cares.


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(+234) 816-285-2239


We are affiliated to the International Fellowship of Evangelical Students (IFES): and thus, work in partnership with other National Member Movements worldwide, to reach the Students’ World for Christ.